I Believe…

But Lord help overcome my unbelief!

At the beginning of June I posted on how discouraged I felt about the return of my hyperthyroid condition. Some of the closest people around me where starting to suggest that maybe I should do the RAI therapy and just permanently disable my thyroid. It’d be easier to control. There were conversations about how God has provided science and medicine so they were forms of God’s “healing” as well. I argued that destroying the natural function of my thyroid isn’t exactly “healing”. I believe in science and medicine….I also believe in God. The two shouldn’t be in conflict but how does it work together? How does my faith fit into the equation?

The endocrinologist called me to ask if I was ready for the RAI treatment but I refused it again. Part of me strongly believed through God I can kick this Graves Disease and defy the doctor’s diagnosis. Part of me wondered if God would actually heal me. I didn’t know how to pray…I wanted to be healed yet adding “if it’s Your will” to my request sounded hollow. So I asked God to direct me…what did He want me to do?? And He answered.

Last week a friend shared an incredibly touching story with me. A young family she knew was taking their third child, a baby, to the hospital to correct her cleft palate issue. But Sudden Death Syndrome took the baby’s life before the surgery could happen. The parents were devastated but resolute in their faith that God could and would bring their daughter back to life. A 24 hour prayer chain was started and people came to the church to pray over the body of the baby girl. And while a cremation date was still scheduled as that was expected of you, the parents believed it wouldn’t be necessary. The night before the scheduled cremation, a fellow believer who was praying saw letters appear on the girl’s forehead. He couldn’t read it, but recognized it was Hebrew. Taking a photo of it, he sent it to his friend who was studying Hebrew. The friend replied saying the text read “I AM that I AM”. Stunned he immediately told the parents of the little girl who then had incredible peace in knowing God had let them know He was keeping her. (I seriously had tingles in my arms when she was telling me this.)

My friend later asked the mother how she had such faith her daughter would be raised…and it’s her reply that spoke deeply to me:

“You have to believe 100%….or 0%. There is no lukewarm with God.”

No lukewarm. No “…but only if it’s Your will.”
Either I believe Him 100% for the healing or I don’t believe and I get the RAI done. I realize it’s not so much which is the better option…it’s where does my faith really lay? In science and medicine, which God enabled man to develop, or in God Himself who created the very things we discover and marvel over?

As further assurance to me, God spoke through the words of a doctor friend of mine who was also diagnosed with Graves but has been in remission for the last 10+ years. She never went through the RAI therapy and encouraged me that the thyroid ups and downs is account it trying to reach the middle…and that I should not be discouraged.

Then this past Sunday, we received a message on Healing. (I love how God always answers in more than one way!) In God’s kingdom there will neither be death nor sickness…though while His kingdom is here, it is not yet complete. This does not diminish His present ability or willingness to heal. In fact, you hear of many many miraculous healing stories from Christians in the developing world. We hear less in the developed world because our faith and security is in pills and surgeries. Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying we should disregard science and medicine…to a degree it’s still part of God’s provision for healing! I’m still taking my thryoid medication until my blood test shows I can stop. The question continues to be “Who or what is my faith in?”

Do I believe God is who He says He is? Do I believe He can do what He says He can do? Do I believe Him enough to ask Him for it? Or am I trying to give my faith and God a way out by saying “if it’s Your will”? Not too long ago I wrote about believing God…and now I must chose to live that out.     100%.


5 responses

  1. I commend your faith but am truly torn on this post.

    As you probably know C & I had a lot of trouble conceiving O. We relied heavily on the medical world for assistance and prayer was part of that. Through medical assistance & prayer we did manage to conceive her!

    Shortly after her birth, without medical assistance OR prayer, we conceived again.

    I’ve seen both sides of the coin. For me personally, I believe in medicine. I believe in God. I do believe both can work well together and feel strongly that just because I live where I can get medicinal help doesn’t mean my faith in God isn’t 100%. It means I’m human.

    • It’s a very tight tension between the two I must say. And some shades of grey!
      Also wanted to clarify I’m not saying that just because we live where there’s medical help that our faith is less…there are definitely ppl who live out a balance of faith and medicine. But rather, that we (generally, painted with broad brush) tend to turn to medicine first…and pray at the last resort. Whereas ppl in developing world, they pray first….probably because there’s little else….so they tend to witness more miracles.

  2. Hmm…I had always thought that the example of recognizing that God will do His will despite our desires not being realized was directly taken from Jesus’ own prayer at Gethsemane. “100% or 0%” is poetic, but I don’t think it is lukewarm to fervently pray for one’s pure and noble desires while *in one’s heart* recognizing the possibility that they won’t happen. After all, all you need is the faith the size of a mustard seed to move mountains 🙂

    • Really good point JY! I barely have faith the size of a mustard seed sometimes!
      But Jesus knew what He was on Earth to do right? It was out of His human-ness that He asked if the cup could be taken away. Isn’t that different from a mere human asking for healing? If Jesus said the purpose of our ailment is for God’s work to be shown (John 9:3) then shouldn’t I believe Him 100%? I feel convicted that often we pray as lip service but we don’t actually believe God will do it….and so take human measures into our own hands as the first option. That to me is different from the mother who believed God 100% to do something, but then accepted I AM that I AM’s answer.

      Some really deep thoughts bouncing around here…let’s chat more when we next meet up! =)

  3. Pingback: Control Freak | Life of HeArt

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