Came across this picture on FB:
It’s totally true…from my experience anyways. I find women’s thoughts are tied deeply into emotions. Emotions that are usually woven together from all their relationships….and through various periods of time. That time my friend/sister/mother/boyfriend/classmate/teacher/etc did or said this to me and how that is related somehow to what is being said or done to me now. I’m not exactly sure why we do this. Regardless, the mind of a woman is an intricate, multidimensional web. It thrives on information and relationships, through space and time. That isn’t going to change.
As for guys…every topic is in its own category, boxed neatly and not touching anything else. There is also a “nothing” box that they spend a fair bit of time in. That’s the one where girls might ask “what are you thinking” and get the reply “nothing“. It really is nothing. How men think isn’t going to change either.
But the pictured scenario above should be avoided…because the wife is now going to feel hurt, emotionally isolated and withdraw from her husband…which will leave him puzzled until he says something about it…which will be interpreted by the wife as being insensitive…which may get him mad because he tried to care and got a snappy reply from the wife as a response…so then the wife gets more upset…and then the hu…..you get the picture. So how does one mitigate?
What I try to do is ask Skywalker questions related to work and or his car or tangible things. (Not that guys are incapable of processing or talking about feelings, it just doesn’t come as easily as it does for most women.) If anything negative happened, it’ll usually come out. Now I know about how a client has driven him nuts or how a car cut him off, etc, and can anticipate there may be a moodiness that comes home with him at the end of the day. In that case, I’ve also learned to ask three things:
- Do you want to talk about it?
- Do you just want some space to stew it out by yourself?
- Do you want me to change topics and get your mind off of this?
Then respond respectfully with what best suites his mood. That way I don’t turn into that wife illustrated above. Which has happened once or twice. Definitely need to respect the space if he requests it. And if he says “Nothing’s wrong”…then take his word for it! Stop the worry-train before it accelerates into emotional oblivion. Any wives out there have any other suggestions?
Husbands, from my short experience, it would just really help if you could let your wife know right off that something is bugging you. Regardless of what it is…she usually just needs to know it has nothing to do with your love for her or your relationship, then she won’t be left guessing and letting her imagination won’t run off with her…which leaves her in that perplexing emotional state that leaves you both in a funk that neither intended.
Yup…communication is key.