Sometimes, it’s honestly by faith….but built on what I’ve observed or have heard testimony on. I didn’t know Skywalker existed before I met him so I had no idea to his character or anything. But two friends whom I trusted spoke super highly of him and his family…and that said something. When we had started dating, one of his guy friends said to me, “Skywalker is a GREAT guy. Serious. You’re a lucky girl.” So that said something too.
They say, whoever “they” are, that in marriage, your insecurities grow stronger, possibly because you’re even more vulnerable having made yourself that much more intimate with someone. My whacky female mind starts imagining all sorts of things; this didn’t happen when we were dating. I think it’s Satan throwing darts to attack marriages…to make someone distrust, then they start acting on it, which creates a vicious cycle of suspicion and acting out that breaks down a marriage. (And as marriages fall, society crumbles…which is a win for Satan.) You can either fall for Satan’s schemes, feed suspicious thoughts and doubt, or you can choose trust. This is where I say it’s sometimes by faith because our emotions can be so strong, but so unreliable.
I’ve caught myself with the thought, when Skywalker is later than usual in coming home, “Is his assistant hitting on him?” (and other times it’s “Did he get hit by a car?“) I believe Satan tries to drive fear into our marriages. But perfect love should drive out fear. So then I have to go back to whether I believe Skywalker’s love for me is real, whether my love for him real. And whether God’s love for us real. As well, I ask myself if there has EVER been ANY time or occasion where Skywalker has EVER done ANYthing that would warrant my doubt or suspicion? Nope. So, I pray for Jesus to guard my thoughts/heart, to remove seeds of distrust or doubt, and then I choose to trust. Can Skywalker trust me? I hope so….