Six years ago. Today.
Time does ease the pain. Healing does come…though it’s more like healing after an amputation. You no longer bleed. But you’re altered forever.
It’s strange…if I ever meet someone who’ve lost a sibling, I feel a certain affinity to them. Like finding out you’re from the same home town or belong to the same club. But this is one membership no one chooses and I wish no one to have. I still wonder why it happened at all. Why us? I also still tell myself that there just might not be an answer on this side of Heaven. And on the otherside, I might not need an answer anymore because we’ll be able to see each other face to face. And see Jesus face to face. Glorious day.
I was at my parent’s place in April and wandered into his room. His wardrobe, bookcase and desk are all there. Relatively untouched. I opened the wardrobe, stuck my face in between the hanging shirts and inhaled. Nope…his scent is gone now. I think it’s time to let go of the clothes. I can still remember his laugh though. Once in a while, I hear someone’s laugh that’s slightly similar and I fight the urge to find out who this person is. Once in a while I also see someone with his physical shape…posture, tilt of head, maybe haircut, style of glasses…and I’ll just stare for a bit.
If I ever have a son, his middle name will be Nathaniel. After his uncle.
Six years. And counting. I miss you.
What though the radiance which was once so bright
Be now for ever taken from my sight,
Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower,
We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind;
In the primal sympathy
Which having been must ever be;
In the soothing thoughts that spring
Out of human suffering;
In the faith that looks through death,
In years that bring the philosophic mind.
– William Wordsworth