When I got engaged, people started asking if I’m planning to start a family soon. Like wait wait wait….isn’t that putting the cart before the horse? Could they wait until I was married to start asking about kids? (And I know I know, marriage is no prerequisite to having kids these days, but still.) Anyways, we get married and again, “So, planning any kids?” I explain that considering the long distance nature of our entire courtship, we’d like some time together to build a solid foundation in marriage first. People understood this so they backed off a bit.
Then when the second year of marriage started, it was the questions again. This time I said I was recently diagnosed with Graves Disease and needed to get well first. And people definitely understood that. It’s been a year long journey to relative health.
We’re into our third year of marriage. I’m very thankful to have been off medication for seven months now…and every other phone call from my Dad involves asking if I have any “good news” for him. ha ha. I’ll let you know when I know Dad. Friends cautiously ask, “You’re off medication now right? So are you thinking more about starting a family?”
Don’t get me wrong, I honestly don’t mind being asked about kids. I know people are in anticipation of celebrating this kind of life milestone and life miracle with us. (And ok, maybe some are just nosey, but I don’t care either way.) We DO plan on having them…God willing. What I’m concerned about is navigating the “what if we can’t conceive” question. Will I get extremely sensitive about it? Will I get depressed?
So, this is my strategy…to voluntarily just tell people that we’re thinking of starting a family soon. That way, if there continues to be an absence of any “news” from us or a lack of ultrasound photos posted on FB, that people might automatically start to think that maybe it’s a struggle for us. And then just have the sensitivity to not ask “So, you thinking of having kids soon?” This would save us from either 1) having to honestly and maybe painfully say we’re having difficulty or 2) having to lie about some reason as to why we’re not having kids yet…and then have it lead to “but you’re not getting younger” comments.
As for whether or not we’ve really started trying for a family yet…that’s for us to know. =)