…how would I be like?
Skywalker asked me this as we were driving one day. It’s interesting to think of what might’ve been. It’s also a little scary to consider where I’d be without the grip of Christ on my life. I remember praying, around the end of high school, for God to show me why I needed grace….because quite frankly, I thought I was doing pretty good. And then, layer by layer, God gently showed me those dark areas. Good gracious! Yes, I need grace. Desperately. The older I get, the more I’m aware of it.
But back to Skywalker’s question….without Christ in my life, I would:
- swear a heck of a lot more. I still work on not swearing so much in my thoughts when I’m angry…without the strength of the Holy Spirit…it’d be all escaping through my lips.
- be much less compassionate, patient, gracious, empathetic, forgiving…I’d only care about something if it has some direct impact to myself. Still have lots of room to grow in this area though.
- be more self-righteous, legalistic and judgemental.
- probably be more vindictive. I catch my thoughts now of how I’d get even, how I’d get you back where it hurts most…and then hear the Spirit say “Vengeance is mine, says the Lord.”
- probably also be a serious partier…and maybe a recreational drug user. (Yes thank you for all your prayers Mom!) This is considering some of the friends I had in high school and university. Though, because I always want to maintain control, I might not let myself get to the point of losing control over my thoughts and actions…I’m sure everyone says that at the start.
- have had a lot of boyfriends. In early university I made a commitment to God to be first faithful to Him, to my future husband, and to respecting myself. I’m pretty sure that’s kept me from a lot of broken hearts and breaking many others’ hearts.
- have shallower relationships with family and friends….it’d be based more on obligation and whether or not I felt I benefitted from the relationship.
- be materialistic and focused on status as well as body image. I struggle with NOT being caught up in those things now because I know more what’s eternal and what will count at the end.
- have more burned bridges behind me….as well as coffins with all the nails in. I know my pride would’ve made reconciliation near impossible….whether the fault was mine or not.
- be more angry and less joyful. Less content too.
- have rash and reckless tendencies. Even now, the thoughts come into my mind and I have to take it captive to Christ to keep it from becoming words/actions.
- have a serious temper. Like a SERIOUS temper.
- be a b*tch….unless I liked you.
Yeah…I’m S O G L A D I have a new life and a new heart in Christ. Tremendously relieved He is faithful to completing the good work He started in me…and that it’s not up to my own devices to be a better person. There’s so much freedom in knowing I’m not bound by the compulsions and natural tendencies that lead to death in the end. I’m so thankful to have a choice in my words and actions, that my dark thoughts have a place to go (to the Cross!) and that I get to be transformed from the inside out as I let Christ live in, through and in spite of me. Thank You LORD!